About Me

I'm in way over my head. I'm a stay at home mom of three kids that I never planned to have. I'm just trying to get to bedtime.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

In Your What?

This is Tom.
Hi Tom!

Isn't he cute? I think so. I'm a little biased.
Tom ( in case your wondering) is my husband. Tom has some wonderful qualities like
Showing the kids cool stuff

Serving our country from 1996-2000
He does the dishes, picks up the house, vacuums and does his own laundry.

Tom is a great man. He evolved past the age of 17 long before I met him.
Tom is not without his quirks. Here is the top 4
  • Watching any movie on a continuous loop. No matter how many times he's seen it before. 
  • Actually expecting the kids to not play with the toys he just picked up. I warn him every time and every time he doesn't listen. 
  • Wearing a fleece when it's 80 out.
  • He had a cat that I not so lovingly referred to as his "Real Wife". Nothing would make him give her up. Not even peeing on our daughters toys. May the cat rest in peace.
Even with these foibles, Tom does little things that makes me giggle a little. Things like
  • Saying "Grill". As in " Why are you in my grill about this?". 
  • Dressing up in full camo to go target practice. I call it going to imaginary sniper-land.
  • Flirting with me while I cook.
And my favorite of all.....
Walking behind me so he can stare at and comment on my ass. He still finds me hot after 5 years AND having a front row seat to the birth of our 3 kids.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Spit Shine

I witness one of Amandas newest habits this morning. She took a swig of milk and spit it back into her cup.


I informed her that that was not okay and not to do it again. I didn't think about it after that. It skeeved me so I moved on.

I have a very nice coffee cup with a lid to help keep it warm when I forget about it. I forget where I put my cup all the time.

I had one of those moments today when I had to randomly abandon my cup to parent. I came back to it an hour later and took a mouthful and felt a floater.

Not much grosses me out like a piece of something floating in my drink and subsequently in my mouth.

Like many moms out there I spit my coffee into my own hand. I was hoping to not get any on my newish carpet. I seriously underestimated the capacity of my mouth. I ended up with coffee down my shirt, on my shorts and all over the carpet.

Luckily the carpet is the exact color of my coffee. Good call landlord man.

The offending item was left in my hand. My mind went straight back to Amanda and her new trick. I hunted her down in her room. With a big grin she copped to spitting in my coffee.


I wanted to laugh. I did laugh while I sent her to time out, actually.  Discipline with a smile isn't really discipline. She immediately began to shake her tutu'd booty to the music from Sesame Street. I laughed harder.

I couldn't keep her in time out. Discipline fail.

I'll just have to keep a better eye on my coffee cup.

Saturday, June 12, 2010


I've been done with Blogger for a while now. Because of that I've decided to move over to Wordpress. I'm almost done switching. The last thing I have to do is decide what to do about litlsuzzy.blogspot.com.

I started this blog when I wanted to be anonymous. I had pain in my heart and no where to put it. This was the place I turned to. I didn't want anyone to really know how bad I was hurting. I wanted to hide.

That pain is no longer the focus of my life. It's more or less a memory better left alone. And I certainly don't feel the need to hide anymore. I am however a sentimental person.

This blog has a special place in my heart. I won't delete it. I may just use it as a link to my new blog http://tryingtosurviveitall.wordpress.com

Friday, June 11, 2010

100 Things About Me

I don't know where I saw this first but a couple of blogs that I read had posted 100 things about themselves. All I could think was me too, me too. It took me a few days but I got it done.
Hop on board!

Time For A Change?

Dear Blogger,
I have been using you since November 2004. I was a little fuzzy on the year but my profile page confirms it. We've shared a few tears and a few laughs. Mostly tears though.

Today, you betrayed me. I had a long list of blogs that I like to read. I really enjoy peeking into these peoples lives. I'm nosy like that. They have disappered. Gone. Lost.

Where did you put them? Are you and Google holding them for ransom? If so, you came to the wrong blog for that. You should have pulled that crap on that famous blogger with the scary eyebrows that does spots for HGTV. She has money.

I've been ont the fence about you, Blogger, for a couple months now. I guess I should tell you that I've been posting on other sites. Much cooler platforms with much cooler features. I really like one in particular.

This may have been that last straw Blogger. You messed with my shit and I can't find it. That's a big no-no in my house. Even my kids know that.

It's you Blogger, not me.

(AKA- litlsuzzy)

Hard Times, Happy Times And The A HA Moment

There isn't a moment in my life that doesn't have a song attached to it. Some songs were written just for me and that time in my life. Some songs I've heard before hand and they pop into my head when the right moment arrives. Others I hear after the fact and they just seem to put into words what I couldn't.

(1)  Runaway, Hybrid Theory, Linkin Park- I was Working in a dry cleaners when I ran into Linkin Park. A girl I worked with played it one night and everything just seemed to click. I didn't realize it right away but what they were telling me what was really going on in my head. It was like they crawled inside my head while I was living with "Spencer" and wrote that album.
Living with Spencer was a mind fuck. She was a pathological liar and controlling. She was suppose to be my best friend. Listening to Linkin Park was like getting a brick in the head one day. I got up and out not long after hearing them for the first time.

(2)  I'm Movin' On, Rascal Flatts - This was the song that I played when I left New Jersey. I thought I had made peace with my demons. I hadn't. I was just running from them. I regretted moving to Tennessee within 2 weeks after I had arrived.

(3,4,5,6)  What Hurts The Most, Rascal Flatts; CrushCrushCrush, Paramore; I'm The Only One, Melissa Etheridge; Best I Ever Had, Gary Allan- These are just a few of the songs that make me think of a particular person and the time period of my life they were in. It covers several years, involves several people and a lot of bittersweet memories.

(7) Make Over, Stripped, Christina Aguilera- This was a transitional song for me. I listened to it a lot when I moved back home and then to Tennessee. I just wanted to get away and be free. It was my only goal and it blew up in my face a couple of times.

(8) Her Diamonds, Cradlesong, Rob Thomas- I can't tell you how many times I've felt like the girl in the song. I've left quite a few "diamonds" on the floor.

( 9) Breathe (2 AM), Anna Nalick- What can I say. The girl has got a point. You can't jump the track and you're as far in as you are out. This is the song that starts the upward spiral after I've left some "diamonds" lying around.

(10) Supermassive Black Hole - This is what I call my "Stripper Song". I can't explain it. It just makes me feel sexy and powerful. I play this song so I can get my swagger on.

Music is vehicle, I wouldn't get anywhere without it.

Mama's Losin' It

Thursday, June 10, 2010

You're Making Me Twitch

MaryMac over at Pajamas and Coffee had a post today about 7 things that get under her skin. Since I'm PMSing and everything is irking me, I'm going to join in.

I'm going to leave it to what got to me in the past 24 hours just to keep the list short.

  1. Living in the Brokeness- I can't tell you how much this drive me nuts. All the things I can't do and can't have. The bills I can't pay. That makes my eye (visibly) twitch.
  2. The Swarm- Every time I sit on the couch or the floor, the kids attack me all at once. They all want to sit in my lap, pull my hair, stick their jam hands in my mouth ( eyes, nose, ears, etc.) The only truly safe places are either standing or in hiding. That makes my arms and legs twitch.
  3. Some one (Tom) reading over my shoulder (Tom) when I'm on the computer(Tom). That makes my back twitch.
  4. Not being able to complete a post-  I have no less than three unfinished posts because I got interupted by kids, chores or #3. That makes my brain twitch.
  5. The Cat- I used to love cats. I haven't been without a cat since I was 12. Recently though, I've had the kind of cat tha has no problem NOT using the litter box. She prefers my fluffy, bright white, towels instead. That makes my hands twitch. ( She's still a vast improvment over Tom's now deceased "Wife". She pissed in the toy box and crapped in the hall.)
  6. Birds- They get in my shed and crap all over the place including my dryer. Just plain gross. That makes my gag reflex twitch.
  7. Trailers, mobil homes, hot/ice boxes, tin can with a fridge- call it what you want. I hate living in one. It's a POS. That makes my heart twitch.
This stuff doesn't just annoy me it gets under my skin, crawls into my brain and takes root. What gets to you?

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

My family and I live in a trailer. It's basically a P.O.S.. The only thing it has going for it is that's it's shelter and we can afford it.
Last summer the Slum landlord had new carpet and laminate installed. Then, in the fall, he had a crew come out to level out the place. Ya know, because making a structure level will fix the warped and bent doors, the leaks inside the walls and the crooked windows. Sure..... Right.....*nodding and smiling*.

Seriously. If I ever start thinking like that, I order anyone reading this to hunt me down, kidnap me and my family, and drop us off in NJ for logic and sarcasm immersion therapy.

Now, My new carpet has a wrinkle the length of the living room, the old linoleum  has the same in the bedrooms and the laminate pops and cracks when you walk on my roller coaster of a kitchen floor.

Amanda happened to step on one of those spots in the kitchen. It made such a loud snap, she looked a little scared. When I asked her if the floor made a funny noise, she responded very seriously, 
" No mom, It's crapping"

Very true baby girl, very true.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010


I was out solo today. I had a quick job interview and decided to pop into an antique shop in town. I wandered around and enjoyed  the silence in my head. I had no intentions of buying anything. I really didn't have the money to spare. Even the 1948 Fleischmanns Yeast bread book for $2.

I was the perfect companion to my 1943 version of the book and it killed me to walk away. I love old books. They're so delicate to the touch and their smell reminds me of something I can't quite name. The paper is soft and fuzzy like the footsie jammies my kids wear in the winter.

I was checking out a book, mostly just to have it in my hands, when I flipped the back cover open to find a religious leaflet. I'm not into religion, it's just not my thing. I really didn't give it much thought as I flipped the leaflet over to see what was on the front.


I shut the book quickly, but the pieces were already locked into place. I may not be religious but I do believe in a higher power or an unseen force. It was like that force was telling me that it will all work out. All the  stress and tears today would be worth it.

 Hope is  one of the hardest things to lose. I was loosing it today. Everything was slipping away in just a few hours. No matter what I did, hope just kept getting further away. Despite my concerted effort to change my circumstances, I felt deeper in shit than the day before. 

Until those words, I was on a slippery slope that could have taken me months to climb out of. I still have to deal with some pretty crappy stuff like selling whatever I can live without. I still have to figure out daycare so I can work in September. I still have to deal everyday.

But there is hope. In the words of my 7th grade history teacher-

" There is a light at the end of the tunnel, Sarah. And it's NOT a God damned train!" 

P.S.- I bought the book and the one on top of it.