About Me

I'm in way over my head. I'm a stay at home mom of three kids that I never planned to have. I'm just trying to get to bedtime.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Mannland5 Getting to Know You

Getting to know YOU

The Q's..

1. If you were to win an award today, what would it be for? The ability to ignore raging temper tantrums and sibling fights. Seriously. I have a kid wailing at my feet right now. Do I answer the call? No. I know it's not an emergency.

2. What is your shoe style? I wear beat up sneakers 99% of the time. Strictly utilitarian. But that's not my shoe style. I LOVE boots and high heels.

3  Does your car reflect your personality? Yes and no. I love my truck. It's big, practical and is actually a lot of fun to drive. But if I didn't have three kids I would have never bought it. I would have bought some thing low and fast, maybe even some old school muscle.

4. If you could take over someones body for a day..whose would you choose?
No one. I don't want to be any one else. I don't need to bogged down with knowing if I'm missing something fabulous. And if I can't have the body to keep then I'm not going to waste my time.

5. Love or be loved? Talk about a loaded question. I have loved with out being loved back. I won't do it again and I would never wish that on any one. I'll take being the crazy cat lady down the street.

6. If you were on death row, what last meal would you choose? Finally an easy one. My grandma's tacos or they let me make my own meatloaf and apple pie. Mash potatoes and steamed broccoli with LOTS of butter. Wash it all down with ice cold milk.  Maybe chase it down with a root bear float.

7. Have you been on vacation this Summer, if so where? Only in my head but I won't go into detail. This isn't THAT kind of blog.

8. What is your favorite food related guilty pleasure? Eating alone and savoring every bite and not having to share with any one.

Just My Luck

I get inspired to write all the time. I write the most wonderful posts in my head while I'm driving*, cleaning up or changing a diaper. Some times their so funny I nearly piss my pants. Other times their eye watering, poignant. Either way each one is fan-friggen-tastic.

I can't wait to get on the computer and pound one out**.  I'm practically salivating at the idea of expressing myself as some one other than Mom, Queen of Time Outs and Sippy Cups.

Then shit hits the fan. Literally in some cases.  One second I'm fantasizing about living up to my potential and then some and the next I'm chasing Kieran around with Perry under my arm, a diaper in my hand, the phone pinned between my shoulder and ear and Amanda chasing me, whining requesting yet another outfit change.
Brilliant thoughts?


I've taken to writing an idea down when I get one. In fact I have a short list sitting on top of my computer right now.

I have no idea where I was heading with those strikes of lightning. They'll stay right where they are until I get around to throwing them out. Who knows, maybe I'll remember what I was thinking some time between now and then. 6 months from now if I'm lucky.

PS- Thanks for the inspiration Amy. Your writer's block was not for naught***.

PPS- While previewing this post. Flock, my browser crashed. Twice.

*When my truck isn't being possessed by an evil demon that causes the fuel pump to go catatonic with fear.
**Yeah, that sounded dirty to me too.
***Say it with me now, " Oooh, fancy word".

A 4 Hour Tour

I have a really good sense of direction. It's like an internal GPS. I just seems to *know* when and where to turn. I've never been lost.
Until this past weekend.
This past Saturday I went to a party for my friends upcoming wedding (Congrats Kel & Mike!!!!!!).

Kel & Mike
I have driven that way dozens of times. I know it by heart. I only consulted Mapquest to check up on gas prices. I had the route totally covered.
I am GPS Woman.
Or not.
I missed my exit.
My mom had pointed out that I may be on the wrong road. I wasn't. I knew that much for sure. That's when I started to think about the time I went to a banquet in Dickson City with............... Never mind. That's how I got lost in the first place.
We were just tooting along, enjoying the ride. The kids had smeared Hostess Snowballs and Devil Dogs all over the backseat. My mom was reading a book. Tom was marveling at the amazing views between power naps. I never realized that the scenery wasn't what it should be. I was reading names of towns that I had never heard before. I hadn't even remembered that I was supposed to be on a different highway heading east instead of south.

I was just starting to thing that we should be there by now when my mom mentioned that we "may" have missed our exit.
My poor little brain that was on a happy little vacation dropped it's drink and panicked. My pride took over. I was sure that we could catch the next highway and head east. I was adamant about it. I have an internal compass, there was no way I was wrong.
A half hour later I couldn't shake that feeling that we were to far gone.
It's about time my powers kicked in.
I relented and eventually found the only gas station in the country that doesn't carry maps. The locals told us to turn around to catch the highway I thought we were heading for once I found out we had passed our first choice. I had passed it by at least an hour.
So much for my superhuman GPS.
We finally arrived to the party,  3 hours late.

Team Irony

Tom and I are sitting on the couch watching some good old brain melting tv. An Eclipse trailer comes on like it has been every five minutes for the past month. I don't really pay attention. I know I'm going to watch it despite the previous twos suckage. I read the books and thought they were a good fantasy.
The movies on the other hand are so far from the book, it's like Stephanie Meyer was drugged to approve the scripts. That is, if she even got to see them before hand.
None the less, I will watch. Just to have something frivolous to bitch about.
Tom, onthe other hand was paying attention. He said " I can't wait for it to come out on DVD."
Yes, folks. That's right. Macho Man Tom can't wait for the next Twilight movie to come out on DVD.*
His reason? He digs werewolves.
I guess that means Tom is officially Team Jacob.**

* I refuse to spend the money on a trip to the theater. It's stuffy, I can't pause it, and the seats are uncomfortable.
**Tom has no idea who Jacob is or what Team Jacob is about.  He got all insulted when I laughed at the irony of it all. Then he blamed the Evil Internet.

Getting To Know You

Getting to know YOU
1.If you had 5000.00 to spend on plastic surgery what would you have done?
I'd have my ta-tas lifted. I've never had a perky set. That's what happens when you run screaming from the store when your mom tries to buy you a training bra.
If there was any money left, I would just hire a personal trainer instead.
2. Do you watch Soap operas and if so what is your favorite and why?

I used to watch Guiding Light when we only got a channel and a half with the antenna but then cable became available on our road in 2007 and I haven't watched since.
I still liked it when Lizzie got her face slammed into a cake.

3. Favorite clothing brand?

Free and fits. I very rarely buy clothes for myself. Most of my stuff are hand-me-downs.

4. An afternoon shopping spree at your favorite store or maid service for a year?

SHOPPING SPREE!!!!! See #3 for explanation. Although I would probably buy stuff for Tom, the kids, and the house.

5. would you ever vajazzle?

I had to Google "vajazzle".  Not a chance in hell. Than means that I would have to prune the garden.

6. Favorite Disney Princess?

I don't have one. I like to watch "Sleeping Beauty" but that is only because "Malecifent" is my favorite villian.

7. Last movie that made you bawl your eyes out?

Bolt. The dog thought he lost his best friend. How could that not make you at least tear up.

8. Have you ever broken any bones and if so what?

Yes. I slammed my middle finger in a car door at 12 years old. I also have a old chip fracture in my right ankle that I refuse to have operated on. Every once in a while the chip jiggles a bit and I can't move my ankle. It makes for a fun game of "Run Down The Kieran".

Lightening The Load

I've been dealing with some internal crap lately.  Feeling like a permanent world class fuck-up, having nothing left of me, sundowning at 10am, feeling weighed down emotionally and physically.  I haven't been able to do much. Just the basics like feeding my kids.
I haven't even felt like writing. My Father's day post was written weeks in advance when I was in a better frame of mind. If I had written that post on Sunday, it would have read very differently.
First of all I wasn't home to write it. I gave Tom what I would have like to have as a gift. A day to himself. I took the kids swimming with my mom and left Tom to do as he pleases. He could putter with his gun, watch hunting shows and nap endlessly.
He did all that except nap. A funny thing happens when the kids and I are out and Tom is left to his own devices. He suddenly has no urge to nap.
I'm not talking about resting for 20 minutes to recharge the batteries. I'm mean must sleep for 2-3 Hours. NOW.
I understand that he works a physically demanding job in 120 degree* heat . That would wear anyone out. But for some odd reason, it's not nearly tiring when the kids and I aren't there when he gets home. Hence no nap.
That just screams " I don't want to deal with you" to me.
That really doesn't help my feeling like I've made every wrong decision possible. Choices that affect my kids. Like committing myself for life to the wrong person. The person that helped me create those kids.
I with the kids solo for at least 11 hours a day. That's not including the time he is present but can't be bothered. At the end of the day I have nothing left. Not even for myself.
I can't even muster up the drive to take care of myself.
I've been wanting to start working out. I've told Tom that I need an hour to myself when he gets home. His answer was that he didn't get time to himself. Um...... yeah you do. You use it to sleep.  His response was no less frustrating than the actual naps.
" So, if I don't take a nap when I get home, we'll be even".
We've had conversations about how I need to take better care of myself and exercise. Tom even said that I wouldn't be around to take care of anyone if I didn't change my lifestyle. He's right but he's unwilling to sacrifice an hour a day for me.
A freaking HOUR!
This near-uselessness pops up anytime I need to leave him in-charge of the kids. He always asks if I can do whatever after the kids go to bed or if my mom can watch them.
At this point my mom** spends more time helping me that Tom does.
I can't keep this up. I'm  not going to keep this up. Today, after Tom gets home and has some lunch, I am taking my hour. Regardless of what he says.
Like my mom's very wise friend, Kelly C. told me " You teach people how to treat you".
School is in session.
*no, I'm not exaggerating. I'm pretty sure it violates workers rights too.
** I love my mom. She's AWESOME!
UPDATE-  I got my walk. Without an argument. Shocker! I only took a half an hour because I'm REALLY out of shape and didn't want to kill my self or my drive to get in shape. My current goal is to start couch25k in October.